So mine and John's new cells came today while I was outside!!! They are charging as I type this and I can't wait to tell John! I'm such a geek ^_^!
Also since I am geeking out I got the title "the Noble" on my third character Fenrus on WoW (World of Warcraft)! Yay for geeking!
Now on to me being odd lol!
So I promised and had a goal that I was going to clean out mine and John's car as John always lets it go to pot! And these last six or so months John has let is PILE UP WITH JUNK! There was no room for people to sit in the back seat at all there was so much junk!
Why do I bring this up? Well I said that when I got better from this condition that I was going to as I put it "junk the car" IE clean that sucker out! And going with what Paul David of "Anxiety no More" said that you should live with and along side this shiz and since I feel like 75% or more normal-ish I deiced that I was going to go and do this goal.
So I grabbed my iPod with a few NPR podcast on it and while listening to "This American Life" (great radio and cable show by-the-by!) and cleaned out and straightened out the body of the car! Next time is the trunk of the car (>.> not a fun thing lol). I still need to vacuum and wipe down the plastic and windows of the inside of the car. (Craig how the FRAKEN HELL do the windows on the inside get dirty lol!?)
Anyway beside the cell phones that came after I was done cleaning out the car two other packages came today. One was a prop for a photo I'm working on and the other was a indie comic book that I bought off etsy!
Today has been a rather normal and happy day! What can I say other then I'm chipper and in good spirits.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
New user pics
So I got some new AWESOME face bandannas and I thought that now was the best time to goof around with them and make new user pics for my various presences on the interweb...
Anyway that is it and hey Craig here are so photos on my blog at last lol. I have some ideas for some more photo work but it is going to be later this week or next week when I get it done and up on it so keep poking me with a stick and I might just get it done!
Anyway that is it and hey Craig here are so photos on my blog at last lol. I have some ideas for some more photo work but it is going to be later this week or next week when I get it done and up on it so keep poking me with a stick and I might just get it done!
If by now you dn't know....
....that I L-O-V-E hats then you have not been paying attention to my head for the last several years ^_^.
So anyway I was up late again last night when a random show came on the HD PBS channel (KBYU 11-4) and it was a crochet program. Ehhh, okaaay whatever, boring but I left it on in the background anyway. And they had this segment about these university boys that had started a program in Uganda, Africa to teach kids how to crochet.
Anyway they take the hats (beanies!!!) that they make and sell them here in the US and all the profits go back into helping the Ugandan people!
How cool is that!?
So anyway I think that my next few beanie purchases are going to be through their online store!
Check out their site Krochet Kids International and online store!
Such a good cause and hey awesome hats so how can you lose!?
Anyway random WoW (World of Warcraft) YAY-ness for me! I got the "the Noble" title on two of my characters and almost on another character! YAAAAAAY! Also it is Children's Week coming this Firday in WoW and that means another title for lvl 80s and AWESOME pets for the rest of us! Three new pets!!!
Also I have been feeling very very good compared to how I have been feeling in the past quiet awhile. I think both Shaun's DP manual and Paul David's blog and book "At last a Life" have really turned me in the right direction and helped me! ....along with the anti-anxiety meds that I am on.
I am function a ton better and feel less unreal at times so that is progress... even if it is slower then a glacier sliding South it is still moving in the right direction!
So anyway I was up late again last night when a random show came on the HD PBS channel (KBYU 11-4) and it was a crochet program. Ehhh, okaaay whatever, boring but I left it on in the background anyway. And they had this segment about these university boys that had started a program in Uganda, Africa to teach kids how to crochet.
Anyway they take the hats (beanies!!!) that they make and sell them here in the US and all the profits go back into helping the Ugandan people!
How cool is that!?
So anyway I think that my next few beanie purchases are going to be through their online store!
Check out their site Krochet Kids International and online store!
Such a good cause and hey awesome hats so how can you lose!?
Anyway random WoW (World of Warcraft) YAY-ness for me! I got the "the Noble" title on two of my characters and almost on another character! YAAAAAAY! Also it is Children's Week coming this Firday in WoW and that means another title for lvl 80s and AWESOME pets for the rest of us! Three new pets!!!
Also I have been feeling very very good compared to how I have been feeling in the past quiet awhile. I think both Shaun's DP manual and Paul David's blog and book "At last a Life" have really turned me in the right direction and helped me! ....along with the anti-anxiety meds that I am on.
I am function a ton better and feel less unreal at times so that is progress... even if it is slower then a glacier sliding South it is still moving in the right direction!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Just 'cuz music heals the soul and makes me happy
I love this song!
Marti's Last Stand - Enter the Haggis (vid cut the end off the song >.>)
LOL this one too
What I've Done - Enter the Haggis (live vid sucks but could not find another >.>)
And the song that has been bugging the shiz-nit out of John and another of my favs...
Gasoline - Enter the Haggis (this vid is also live but the quality is rather good/okay ^_^)
Been rather well as of late. Not over this by any means but I am doing better and I CAN SEE RESULTS O.O! Holy Hell in a hand basket, shock of all shocks!
Anyway just living along side this shit and not paying it any mind is working as well and living as normal as I can and keeping my mind on other fun stuff (like WoW *cough* lol).
Just gotta keep trucking along and remembering that this crap is all a thought habit and a over surge of adrenalin needing a outlet.
I hate saying it is all in my head even though it is but, it is a scary thought as your brain is "YOU" and whatever goes in and comes into brain is how you see and perceive the world and life. That is why this crap is so horrible.
Anyway I need to shut up about ruminating on this cack any more.
Anyway two more for the road!
No More Stones - Enter the Haggis (kinda quiet fan made music video)
Had this bastard stuck in my head for days after hearing it lol XD
One Last Drink - Enter the Haggis
I bet ya can't tell that I really like this group and my new CDs from them can ya ^_^ MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Monday, April 20, 2009
*radio chatter* We got a 4:20 on the West side
Just off the top if any of you do not know what a 420 is... well it is the police code from cannabis/pot or such. And pot heads like to calibrate buy smoking a big bowl of the crap on 4/20.
Anyway since I have researched and lived in the land of Hell (DP) I think that pot smoking is even dumber! Smoking pot can bring this shit on!! That alone is more then enough reason to avoid it like the black death. Not that I would want to use that shit anyway... I have better ways to kill my brain cells.
*sigh* just dumb as Hell.
On a brighter note my three "Enter the Haggis" CDs came in the mail finally! Listened to them in the car as me and John drove around doing errands. I loved more then half the songs and the other half are still rather good. Only disliked one that I ca recall.
Next time I will just buy them locally. But they had a deal on three in a bundle so I thought why not, right? Oh well ya live, ya learn.
One Last Drink - Enter the Haggis (kinda quiet video dang it)
I still wanna pick up another CD from them called "Aerials" which I can't find sold any place even Ebay -_-.... I will find it though!!
Other CDs that I want to get are:
-"Everything Is Borrowed" - "The Streets"
The Escapist - The Streets
-Some of the CDs by the "Battlefield band" maybe their newest "Dookin"
Battlefield Band in concert 2006
I feel like I'm forgetting something but hey that is the slip of my mind as of late. Never mind I will get it back lol.
I also received in the mail today my book "A Life at Last" from Paul David's site "Anxiety no More". So far it is interesting yet a hard read. Hard as in I know that it is going to be a suck it up and grin and bear it kind long and hard slog.
It boils down to thus: Ignore the odd, bad, weird hard to tolerate feelings and go about your normal life. Then let your body do the natural thing and "...heal thyself" (Hebrew Proverb). Add in the ideas of Shaun O Conner of the DP manual and you have keep your mind and hands always busy thus not letting in the horrible odd malicious thoughts and you got a holistic and then add in the herbal supplements and green tea (and such) for the homeopathic part and finish off with anti-anxiety meds for the whole package.
Kinda got off on a mini rant there. Paul David's book says just 'let come what comes' and don't fight it but don't run from it either. Face it but show it no mind.
Not new but very different from what we normally do when faced with a condition (as DP/DR, anxiety is NOT a illness). Most fight and that is not what we are to do to let the body "... heal thyself".
*le sigh*
I got off on many mini rants and yes I got on the subject of DP but how could I not today while ranting about 420?
Anyway since I have researched and lived in the land of Hell (DP) I think that pot smoking is even dumber! Smoking pot can bring this shit on!! That alone is more then enough reason to avoid it like the black death. Not that I would want to use that shit anyway... I have better ways to kill my brain cells.
*sigh* just dumb as Hell.
On a brighter note my three "Enter the Haggis" CDs came in the mail finally! Listened to them in the car as me and John drove around doing errands. I loved more then half the songs and the other half are still rather good. Only disliked one that I ca recall.
Next time I will just buy them locally. But they had a deal on three in a bundle so I thought why not, right? Oh well ya live, ya learn.
One Last Drink - Enter the Haggis (kinda quiet video dang it)
I still wanna pick up another CD from them called "Aerials" which I can't find sold any place even Ebay -_-.... I will find it though!!
Other CDs that I want to get are:
-"Everything Is Borrowed" - "The Streets"
The Escapist - The Streets
-Some of the CDs by the "Battlefield band" maybe their newest "Dookin"
Battlefield Band in concert 2006
I feel like I'm forgetting something but hey that is the slip of my mind as of late. Never mind I will get it back lol.
I also received in the mail today my book "A Life at Last" from Paul David's site "Anxiety no More". So far it is interesting yet a hard read. Hard as in I know that it is going to be a suck it up and grin and bear it kind long and hard slog.
It boils down to thus: Ignore the odd, bad, weird hard to tolerate feelings and go about your normal life. Then let your body do the natural thing and "...heal thyself" (Hebrew Proverb). Add in the ideas of Shaun O Conner of the DP manual and you have keep your mind and hands always busy thus not letting in the horrible odd malicious thoughts and you got a holistic and then add in the herbal supplements and green tea (and such) for the homeopathic part and finish off with anti-anxiety meds for the whole package.
Kinda got off on a mini rant there. Paul David's book says just 'let come what comes' and don't fight it but don't run from it either. Face it but show it no mind.
Not new but very different from what we normally do when faced with a condition (as DP/DR, anxiety is NOT a illness). Most fight and that is not what we are to do to let the body "... heal thyself".
*le sigh*
I got off on many mini rants and yes I got on the subject of DP but how could I not today while ranting about 420?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I really need The Streets CD lol
The Edge of a Cliff - The Streets
I'm really okay, thanks,
there's nothing to witness
I said as I looked back from the edge of a cliff
The old man looking down lent over the ridge struck with a grin as if a blessing had hit him.
I slumped on the jut of the cliff
Just leave me alone, this is none of your business
I will, said the old man, but just one thing,
And what he said was so lovely it stunned me.
He said: I lay right there once at the edge of the rock.
I was ready to jump, I was ever so lost,
But this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot
Chorus
For billions of years since the outset of time
Every single one of your ancestors has survived
Every single person on your mum and dad's side
Successfully looked after and passed on to you life.
What are the chances of that, like?
It comes to me once in a while
And everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile.
And then the old man walked away and out of sight
Til the sound of him hiking turned to the sound of silence.
I just froze in a profound surprise and from down on my pride I found a smile to my eyes.
And for many days again I've been passing the same cliff and on many occasions I'd chance on the same thing.
Laying in the moss, in the same way I was would be another man looking like he needed a change of luck.
So I'd say: I lay right there once at the edge of the rock.
I was ready to jump, I was ever so lost,
But this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot
Chorus x 2
I'm really okay, thanks,
there's nothing to witness
I said as I looked back from the edge of a cliff
The old man looking down lent over the ridge struck with a grin as if a blessing had hit him.
I slumped on the jut of the cliff
Just leave me alone, this is none of your business
I will, said the old man, but just one thing,
And what he said was so lovely it stunned me.
He said: I lay right there once at the edge of the rock.
I was ready to jump, I was ever so lost,
But this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot
Chorus
For billions of years since the outset of time
Every single one of your ancestors has survived
Every single person on your mum and dad's side
Successfully looked after and passed on to you life.
What are the chances of that, like?
It comes to me once in a while
And everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile.
And then the old man walked away and out of sight
Til the sound of him hiking turned to the sound of silence.
I just froze in a profound surprise and from down on my pride I found a smile to my eyes.
And for many days again I've been passing the same cliff and on many occasions I'd chance on the same thing.
Laying in the moss, in the same way I was would be another man looking like he needed a change of luck.
So I'd say: I lay right there once at the edge of the rock.
I was ready to jump, I was ever so lost,
But this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot
Chorus x 2
More Streets to walk down
The Escapist - The Streets
All these walls were never really there,
Nor the ceiling or the chair.
I’m eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees,
These walls, you’ll find, are yours and mine
Defined not by them, I
I’m in times that lie behind my eyelids,
The sunset still the rising silence,
(Chorus)
I’ll not feel no fear
Cos' I‘m not really here
I’m nowhere near here
There’s no rain on roof that grates and beats me
My favourite tree breaking light to pieces
Sprinkling, sharded light on me
Throw a stone as hard as you can
And hearing with hand not here at land
Nothing taxi, dusting sand
My window world spins and twirls,
The walls then fall, I recall the sort
White clouds white wash faded spotless
The weighty shadows, ranges of rocks
The cold is all illusion thought up
Stroll on the shore, snooze and explore
All possibilities in each new morning,
‘til satisfied reaching out, yawning
Fish in a big dish, some rice and spice,
Salt over shoulder, never salted so tight
The truth I have told was silence sometimes
But who’s soul does not hide any crimes
Wrapped in walls, encircled by work
The walls fall - the story occurs
No barrier, no boundary or ‘low us ID’s
The freedom to stay off straight
Be fiend or friend, cause no harm but charm - the peaceful end
(Chorus x2)
Pale, ancient woods, strew white sandy bays
This ugly room pales away today
I’m swimming in the ocean
I sink slow motion
Fingers, toes, floating
Every year ‘til yesterday
I see the eternal setting sea
I compare all this to me,
It’s all fleeting momentary me
I blink my eyes, this is reminding me
Life flies in the blink of an eye
The old die for reasons, new tides for seasons
New life born is like teasing
All these walls were really never there
Nor the ceiling or the chair
I’m eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees
I am not here at all,
You are dearly fooled,
I see bristling trees, the shush at the sea
Mischievous
Fluttering seagulls
No.
I’m not trapped in a box, so I am glancing at rocks
I’m dancing off docks
Since this stance began
That’s where I am
(Chorus x2)
So done.
All these walls were never really there,
Nor the ceiling or the chair.
I’m eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees,
These walls, you’ll find, are yours and mine
Defined not by them, I
I’m in times that lie behind my eyelids,
The sunset still the rising silence,
(Chorus)
I’ll not feel no fear
Cos' I‘m not really here
I’m nowhere near here
There’s no rain on roof that grates and beats me
My favourite tree breaking light to pieces
Sprinkling, sharded light on me
Throw a stone as hard as you can
And hearing with hand not here at land
Nothing taxi, dusting sand
My window world spins and twirls,
The walls then fall, I recall the sort
White clouds white wash faded spotless
The weighty shadows, ranges of rocks
The cold is all illusion thought up
Stroll on the shore, snooze and explore
All possibilities in each new morning,
‘til satisfied reaching out, yawning
Fish in a big dish, some rice and spice,
Salt over shoulder, never salted so tight
The truth I have told was silence sometimes
But who’s soul does not hide any crimes
Wrapped in walls, encircled by work
The walls fall - the story occurs
No barrier, no boundary or ‘low us ID’s
The freedom to stay off straight
Be fiend or friend, cause no harm but charm - the peaceful end
(Chorus x2)
Pale, ancient woods, strew white sandy bays
This ugly room pales away today
I’m swimming in the ocean
I sink slow motion
Fingers, toes, floating
Every year ‘til yesterday
I see the eternal setting sea
I compare all this to me,
It’s all fleeting momentary me
I blink my eyes, this is reminding me
Life flies in the blink of an eye
The old die for reasons, new tides for seasons
New life born is like teasing
All these walls were really never there
Nor the ceiling or the chair
I’m eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees
I am not here at all,
You are dearly fooled,
I see bristling trees, the shush at the sea
Mischievous
Fluttering seagulls
No.
I’m not trapped in a box, so I am glancing at rocks
I’m dancing off docks
Since this stance began
That’s where I am
(Chorus x2)
So done.
Great song!
Someone posted up a quote from this song in one of the quote communities and so I just felt like posting up the song for you to hear.
Everything is Borrowed - The Streets
Everything is Borrowed - The Streets
Thinking out load
It is said and I believe it with 100% certainty that one of the worse factors in this condition is that it strips away at the very core of what make a person a person.
When you miss the person in the mirror and you walk around in a cloud looking for any sigh of your 'past' life and there is no touch stone it is pretty much a cold lonely place to walk through.
I think that I am standing in the middle of this dark condition because I can see that I have gotten a tad better and can function a bit better but I know that I have "miles to go before I sleep" (Robert Frost).
I long to feel normal but like Shaun (DP manual) says when you are in this condition you can't remember what it was like to be normal while working through it. It is like the pain and your brain are trying to contain the fear, panic and worry making the whole episode of the condition seem even more removed from life and normality. Shaun used this example to explain it: think of how you feel when having a really bad nightmare with the worst monsters dredged from the darkest parts of your mind and imagination. Now when you wake up this dream does not make you run and hide. No in fact you get up and can get on with your normal day of school or work like nothing happen. Why because your nightmare was episodic and the fear fades with the end of the dream. Even though you might remember parts of the dream you can't feel the fear from it because it fades away. The same can be said of the idea of DP being episodic. While in the condition you can't really recall what normal feels like BUT, when you get out from under it you can remember the feeling but not the fear that covered it. Like the nightmare.
So right now I am walking through a distorted landscape that is my life and it is just out of reach and things are just not right with how I see and hear things.
Just thinking out load on this as my mind will not shut up on this... another 'fun' factor of this condition.
When you miss the person in the mirror and you walk around in a cloud looking for any sigh of your 'past' life and there is no touch stone it is pretty much a cold lonely place to walk through.
I think that I am standing in the middle of this dark condition because I can see that I have gotten a tad better and can function a bit better but I know that I have "miles to go before I sleep" (Robert Frost).
I long to feel normal but like Shaun (DP manual) says when you are in this condition you can't remember what it was like to be normal while working through it. It is like the pain and your brain are trying to contain the fear, panic and worry making the whole episode of the condition seem even more removed from life and normality. Shaun used this example to explain it: think of how you feel when having a really bad nightmare with the worst monsters dredged from the darkest parts of your mind and imagination. Now when you wake up this dream does not make you run and hide. No in fact you get up and can get on with your normal day of school or work like nothing happen. Why because your nightmare was episodic and the fear fades with the end of the dream. Even though you might remember parts of the dream you can't feel the fear from it because it fades away. The same can be said of the idea of DP being episodic. While in the condition you can't really recall what normal feels like BUT, when you get out from under it you can remember the feeling but not the fear that covered it. Like the nightmare.
So right now I am walking through a distorted landscape that is my life and it is just out of reach and things are just not right with how I see and hear things.
Just thinking out load on this as my mind will not shut up on this... another 'fun' factor of this condition.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Just got back from the hospital... (and my new Doc)
...but not for me this time lol.
Paul was fighting with John over using John's computer and as this is one of John's day off he wanted to use it and told Paul to screw off. Well Paul kept getting in John's face and escalating it and making it worse and trying to drag me into it, which I hate to fight right now as it inflames my DP. Anyway Paul kept getting right up and in John's face and threatening his computer and accounts on the different things he has (like WoW and such) and so John pushed Paul in his chest...
Well Paul grabbed a wrench that was on the piano and hit John as hard as he could on the elbow (I dunno if John tried to block the hit by raising his arm it kinda looks that way).
Anyway I had a look at it and it was bleeding under the skin and swelling and John way hurting rather bad at that point so we both deiced that he need it looked at.
At first we went to Insta-care to see if they would look at it. By this time John had had the worst time driving down to the Insta-care on 21st south and just off 9th east. I offered to drive him but since I'm having the lovely trip know as DP he thought it was not the best idea. When we got there they wanted almost $100 buck up front and John just did not have that kinda cash to throw at them so we decided to take him to the ER. More money but they will work with you and bill you for the cost.
At this point he could not drive so I said I would as long as he did not mind me going slow and it did not freak me out to much. (see DP is a fucked up crippling thing that is messing over normal life >.< I can't even drive a car normally) Anyway I drove it from the Insta-care at 9th and 21st and made it clear up to the ER at LDS hospital with no problems and that kinda made me rather happy that I at least know that I can drive with this if I have to. Not that I like it one bit while DP-ed out but you take what you get with this.
Anyway I parked and took him in and got him checked in and taken care of up at LDS. They said right off that it was most likely not broken even though John said that it hurt a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale and he was having trouble bending it and moving it and pain when doing so.
They took x-rays and checked him some more and then we left.
At this point John said that he wanted to drive home so that I could relax and not feel so stressed (more DP fun... new or high stress things make DP flare up. Don't I have a awesome brother ^_^ thinking of me even when he has mega pain).
Anyway we are home and Paul and Rachel are gone and my parents are at a missionary reunion for my father's Munich mission. Dunno if Paul and Rachel went with them and I bet they did after Paul fed them a big sob story about how John beat him up.... HELLO John was in the ER NOT Paul. Sorry it kinda pisses me off.
Hell I didn't even get to take my new anxiety meds before driving John thanks to Paul. NOT FUN!
In short bad day in some ways.
Other news my new psychiatrist is much better and understanding then the dim bulbs that I was going to before. He seems like a better person to work with. He also gave me two meds to work with my anxiety on. One is a faster acting one that I take half a pill four times a day and the other is an SSRI (*gulp*) that will take a month or more to work up to level in my system and get working well.
Kinda scary that I'm taking some strong meds but if it works I will do a happy dance of never ending joy for them.
As for now it is still rather crappy and I still feel like life is a very boring and scary (*le sigh*) movie that I don't get to be a part of.
*hugs* to all my beloved friends!
Paul was fighting with John over using John's computer and as this is one of John's day off he wanted to use it and told Paul to screw off. Well Paul kept getting in John's face and escalating it and making it worse and trying to drag me into it, which I hate to fight right now as it inflames my DP. Anyway Paul kept getting right up and in John's face and threatening his computer and accounts on the different things he has (like WoW and such) and so John pushed Paul in his chest...
Well Paul grabbed a wrench that was on the piano and hit John as hard as he could on the elbow (I dunno if John tried to block the hit by raising his arm it kinda looks that way).
Anyway I had a look at it and it was bleeding under the skin and swelling and John way hurting rather bad at that point so we both deiced that he need it looked at.
At first we went to Insta-care to see if they would look at it. By this time John had had the worst time driving down to the Insta-care on 21st south and just off 9th east. I offered to drive him but since I'm having the lovely trip know as DP he thought it was not the best idea. When we got there they wanted almost $100 buck up front and John just did not have that kinda cash to throw at them so we decided to take him to the ER. More money but they will work with you and bill you for the cost.
At this point he could not drive so I said I would as long as he did not mind me going slow and it did not freak me out to much. (see DP is a fucked up crippling thing that is messing over normal life >.< I can't even drive a car normally) Anyway I drove it from the Insta-care at 9th and 21st and made it clear up to the ER at LDS hospital with no problems and that kinda made me rather happy that I at least know that I can drive with this if I have to. Not that I like it one bit while DP-ed out but you take what you get with this.
Anyway I parked and took him in and got him checked in and taken care of up at LDS. They said right off that it was most likely not broken even though John said that it hurt a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale and he was having trouble bending it and moving it and pain when doing so.
They took x-rays and checked him some more and then we left.
At this point John said that he wanted to drive home so that I could relax and not feel so stressed (more DP fun... new or high stress things make DP flare up. Don't I have a awesome brother ^_^ thinking of me even when he has mega pain).
Anyway we are home and Paul and Rachel are gone and my parents are at a missionary reunion for my father's Munich mission. Dunno if Paul and Rachel went with them and I bet they did after Paul fed them a big sob story about how John beat him up.... HELLO John was in the ER NOT Paul. Sorry it kinda pisses me off.
Hell I didn't even get to take my new anxiety meds before driving John thanks to Paul. NOT FUN!
In short bad day in some ways.
Other news my new psychiatrist is much better and understanding then the dim bulbs that I was going to before. He seems like a better person to work with. He also gave me two meds to work with my anxiety on. One is a faster acting one that I take half a pill four times a day and the other is an SSRI (*gulp*) that will take a month or more to work up to level in my system and get working well.
Kinda scary that I'm taking some strong meds but if it works I will do a happy dance of never ending joy for them.
As for now it is still rather crappy and I still feel like life is a very boring and scary (*le sigh*) movie that I don't get to be a part of.
*hugs* to all my beloved friends!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Less then 23 hours and counting...
I can do this I have survived this shit this long and lasted these last 3 days of rough as Hell DP/DR crap.
My father called up his brother, my uncle who is a psychologist and was asking questions on my behest about DP and my uncle said there is NO reason why my condition has not been brought under control. He said that the people treating me are incompetent and are liable for prescribing me meds that are now (and for the past week) have made me shake and tremble. But he also warned that I should not stop taking the meds until I get my second opinion and new meds from this new psychiatrist because it might mean that I could get worse!
WORSE!?!?!? HOLY FUCKING HELL BATMAN! There is a worse then this?? *shivers at the thought*
But he also says that there is no reason why I won't be getting 100% better and back to normal. If that happens I'm taking a fucking vacation and celebrating like there is no tomorrow! The thought that I would be stuck like this has scared the holy Hell out of me and until I get 100% better the thought and possibility stays with me every second of every Hellish day.
If I could even get the steroid infused anxiety under control then I could handle the DP feelings a ton better.... and even fight back by doing the stuff the DP manual says to do.
My father called up his brother, my uncle who is a psychologist and was asking questions on my behest about DP and my uncle said there is NO reason why my condition has not been brought under control. He said that the people treating me are incompetent and are liable for prescribing me meds that are now (and for the past week) have made me shake and tremble. But he also warned that I should not stop taking the meds until I get my second opinion and new meds from this new psychiatrist because it might mean that I could get worse!
WORSE!?!?!? HOLY FUCKING HELL BATMAN! There is a worse then this?? *shivers at the thought*
But he also says that there is no reason why I won't be getting 100% better and back to normal. If that happens I'm taking a fucking vacation and celebrating like there is no tomorrow! The thought that I would be stuck like this has scared the holy Hell out of me and until I get 100% better the thought and possibility stays with me every second of every Hellish day.
If I could even get the steroid infused anxiety under control then I could handle the DP feelings a ton better.... and even fight back by doing the stuff the DP manual says to do.
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