Today

So today I feel *slightly* better then I do most days. I think the reason is that I (per my meds councilor's permission) upped my amount of the current meds. Not that I feel better/normal in a oh say jumping for joy kinda way but I'll take any lil bit I can get. Maybe it will get even better after I've been at the higher dosage for oh say a week or so. I mean a crazy gurl can always hope, right?

Also I did something I have not done in more then a month and a half. I watched a animated (CGI) film. Most of the time things to unrealistic inflames my damn DP. though this time it pulled me away from dwelling on my DP and into the story and even got me laughing and chuckling. It was "Kung-fo Panda". Really funny and cute. I now want to (and wish I had it here) watch "The Furious Five" spin-off. It looks funny and fun.

I need fun and laughter.

I've been thinking about picking up the book "The Hometown Weekly" by Bruce Lindsay. It kinda like "A Parry Home Companion" on NPR/PRI. Yeah it is mellow but, that is what I'm going for. I mean Hells bells I would love to be able to finish "The Stand" by Stephen King but, from what I gather and what the DP manual says mellow is the way to go to get out from under this cack. I don't want to inflame this stuff since when I do I just have to ride it out as I have found NO way to lessen it when it spikes at all. If anyone does then please tell me I would love to know. Hell any advice on this cack (good, helpful advice) is more then welcome!

One thing that has been getting to me in a major way other then the crushing unreality and fear is the fact that I'm very, VERY tired ALL THE TIME -_-...

I mean WTH!? I do almost nothing most days other then keep my mind busy and thus my butt not moving and yet I still feel like I've stayed up all night and way running errands all day. This sux soooo bad! (though I would trade even more tiredness for any extra relief from this DP/DR crap)

Now I'm bored with most everything and feel way to worn out to read my books (though they are good reads) and thus my mind wanders down that frakked up road in my head and stares at the damned black mass that is DP/DR and ponders on it.

*sigh*

It sux when you look forward every morning to just going back to bed to escape this cack. And even worse my sleep over the last two days has been HORRIBLE! I keep waking up and tossing and turning.

>.> Oh well each day moves me a tad closer to escaping this (I hope).